Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Sunshine and Roses

This weekend, some of my college girls are coming into town for our annual, uh... meet up? get together? drunken fest of YouTube worthy footage that reminds us of the good times? Yep. That's the one. I am ridiculously excited. A weekend without the baby (who has been SUCH a sweet little man lately, by the way, it almost makes me sad to leave him - almost). And although a weekend without the baby would be equally good spent with the hubs (better in some ways, perhaps!), pretending I don't have a care in the world - and then flashing my ring to some guy who's giving me the eye - sounds like a pretty damn good way to spend a few days. Never mind work at the shop is INSANE this week and we have a piece of equipment down. Grrr.

Anywho... Our organizer this year sent out the "let's get our shit together email" at the beginning of the week, aptly titled, "Booze and What Not." Some of us responded with the usual - "Booze. Yes. What Not? Bring it on. Pole dancing, anyone?" and such. One reply-all came from our friend who had a baby three months ago. She said she was, "...totally going to flake like I said I never would." Honestly? I took a big, deep breath for her knowing exactly where she was coming from (and at the same time, I kind of thought, "Thank God! If she had been so organized to be able to make this trip [at least a 4 hour drive for her] after only 3 months as a new mom, I would have felt like such a loser!" - remember me? Paralyzed to leave the house to even go to the grocery store for, oh, I don't know - 3 months after having a baby?). For the record, she is rockin' it. Back to work, pumping, feeding... My kid is almost a year and a half old, and I am only now able to make it out of the house on time with no help from Mike - if I start 2 hours before we have to leave, mind you, but I can do it now.

So, I got to thinking about those days - and these days. Those days when I would think, "You know, if I just kept driving, maybe I could leave it all behind." But I never had enough cash. Let alone enough in savings, to disappear, and above all, just thinking about leaving it all behind made no sense. I'd have to make it work. Shuffle priorities. Change plans at a moment's notice. Go. With. The. Flow. And sometimes, the flow meant changing plans, or canceling plans and staying home (grudgingly, tearfully and foot stompingly. What? That's totally a word). And then these days. Where sometimes I'm awakened by Joey saying, "MA MA!" instead of incessant yelling. Or the rare, glorious, days that I wake on my own. After 8am. And my boys are both still sleeping. And you know what? As hard as it can get sometimes - especially with Mike's work schedule - I appreciate it. From Joey - A new word. A new sign. A funny face or non-stop laughter. From Mike - A touch. A moment alone - together. A kiss. A hug. A night where we don't care how late we stay up. A night where the TV goes off early...

It wasn't all easy. There's work still to do. Are there things I would change over the last year and a half? I won't lie. Absolutely. Have I learned a lot about myself? About my marriage and my husband? Absolutely. Would I change that? Absolutely not.

Hang in there girl. It's all worth it.