Wednesday, July 16, 2008

"Commutication" Problems

Q: What's worse than being stuck on 41 behind a VW Vanagon?

A: Being stuck on 41 behind a VW Vanagon atop a flatbed tow truck with a driver who refuses to use turnouts and speeds up when there is any break in the yellow line and destroys any hope you have of passing. Fuckwit.

If there's one thing that sours my mood at either end of the day, it's bad drivers on Hwy 41. It can be a treacherous road, but if you have driven it a few times, and it is not pouring rain or socked in with fog, you should be able to keep your speed at least at the 55 MPH limit (heeding the [CURVY ARROW] 35 MPH signs, of course *smirk*). If you cannot, use the turnouts, and quit ruining people's days. Seriously, some of us actually want to get home at the end of a hard day, or actually need to get to work at a reasonable hour of the morning.

OK, rant over. Anywho, my brother left me a comment yesterday - something along the lines of "3 posts in one day = you must be bored." Yes and no. My husband was working last night, and I figured blogging (in essence, talking to you) is better than talking to myself... like I usually do. :) Oh, and he's working tonight, too, so be prepared for more commentary from the couch.

Speaking of the hubs, when I got home this evening, he said, "Someone called with an unknown number, and when I picked it up I could barely hear the lady and didn't understand a word she said. So I asked her to speak up, and she didn't." Long story short, his hearing is fine for the most part, but he just happens to have hearing loss in the range of the female voice - I call it 'selective hearing,' but he actually has documentation of this from work. Not being able to hear people speak irritates him to no end, and he went from zero to pissed in 3.2 seconds. Apparently, he said "Speak the fuck up!" to this poor woman (who he also said may have just been a recorded voice because she wasn't speaking up, and therefore wasn't listening to him - or couldn't listen to him being that it was a recording... got all that?).

My response to all this? "You said what to her?!? Are you serious? What if it wasn't a recording? What if it was your grandma? Your grandparents are pretty much the only people that call us at home with a blocked number." [BTW... he was 100% positive it was not grandma - if he was sure about anything, it was that, so not to worry.] So, here's me, thinking who could that have been? Who now thinks my husband is a raging a-hole, and what can I do to fix this? I tried as gently as possible to ask him that next time something like this happens to say, "I'm sorry, I really can't hear you, and I am going to have to hang up now." We'll see how that works... please call back.

In food news, starting this Friday, New York restaurants that are not following new law regarding calorie count postings will be fined up to $2000 starting Friday. I've got to say, although there are some times that I just wouldn't want to know, there are many more times where I would probably appreciate seeing these numbers posted in such plain sight. Perhaps it would help me make better choices and get rid of the weight I've put on since our wedding. Does anyone know if there's a clever little phrase for post-marriage weight gain? I mean, you enter college, and everyone tells you to look out for the "freshman 15." I haven't heard anyone say, "Look out for the 'newlywed 20,' it'll sneak up on you!" *sigh* Time to join a gym... again.

And now, I leave you with this. Smart woman with a well-trained man, or sick puppy in need of a vet? Talk amongst yourselves.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Uh, some help please?

OK, last post for the day, I promise. What the hell is this about? New-wave convenience snacks for toddlers. Yikes. What ever happened to a sandwich bag full of Cheerios and some real fruit?

Dear AT&T...

... please stop sending me personal invitations to "try high-speed internet now available in [my] area for only $19.95 a month," as I am already a subscriber, and really, admit it, it's not all that "high-speed." Thank you.

Your long time telephone customer and fairly new subscriber to your Dish-Network, not-so-high-speed-internet, long-distance-phone-service, over-priced-bundle

PS: Are your high prices a direct result of your extraneous direct mail campaigns?

Serendipity or something more?

I caught a hummingbird yesterday. It was one of the most surreal things I've ever experienced. The tiny creature had managed somehow to fly into our shop, into the office, and become trapped between the window pane and the blinds. When I saw it, I immediately thought of how difficult it was going to be to get the little guy out without causing irrevocable damage. As it flew up and down the pane of glass, I slowly raised the blinds doing my best not to catch it's wings or body between the slats. I slid the right side of the window open, and tried unsuccessfully to remove the window screen. The hummingbird moved to the screened side of the window and, to my relief, latched it's little toes (do birds have toes) onto the mesh just as our phone began to ring. I must have sounded crazy talking to the wild bird, telling it to hang on - that I'd be right back. Funny thing was, it did.

I took care of the phone call, and made my way back to the window. I cupped my hands and reached up to grab the bird, but it was barely out of reach - my fingertips just able to brush its tail feathers. Suddenly, the bird released its grip from the window screen and took flight, still trying to get out the window. As I followed it up and down with my cupped hands, I stopped and extended the index finger of my right hand. Immediately, it lit on the end of my finger, and it's flapping wings slowed enough for me to place my left hand over its body. And it was calm. I was so afraid it would start to flap its wings, but it just sat and allowed me to carry it outside.

Aside from it's small feet lightly grasping my finger, it felt as though I held nothing in my hands. I walked over to a bush, set my hands on top of a branch, and took my left hand away. I expected it to immediately take flight, but it did not. It just sat. I was afraid that the experience had been too much for it, but as quickly as the thought entered my head, it raised its wings, and took off for a nearby tree.

I couldn't help but to think that holding a hummingbird is not something many people have experienced, and my uncle remarked that it was probably quite lucky. I decided to do a little research, and I found that a hummingbird is considered a totem animal. It represents energy, vitality, joy, renewal, sincerity, healing, persistence, peace, infinity (it's wings move in the pattern of the infinity symbol), agility, playfulness, loyalty and affection. I'm not terribly superstitious, however, after reading about the hummingbird it got me thinking about what it might mean. It was comforting to think that maybe there was a little more to it than just a bird trapped in our office. Perhaps it was a small message from my grandmother who passed away a little over a month ago - it's time to heal; or something telling me not to give up - be persistent and you will be successful; or perhaps it's a foreshadowing of something wonderful still to come. I may never know what - if anything - a visit from this little totem means, but I'm sure it will be in the back of my mind for a long time to come.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Contents Under Pressure

When you visit this blog, you may have noticed the Content Warning screen. I feel as though I should explain why "some readers may find the content of this blog objectionable." I do not intend to be vulgar or to relay vivid accounts of our between-the-sheets endeavors (my husband and I both agree that most of what happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom). I do, however intend to be as frank as possible, and that may, for example, include dropping the F-bomb from time to time! That being said, posts containing "objectionable" content will likely be few and far between, but you now have fair warning.