Saturday, August 30, 2008

I'm a Planner

I don't know why, but telling people I'm pregnant is the weirdest feeling. I'm 28. I'm married. So why is it so hard? Telling people I was engaged was so easy. I was excited, and for the most part, I knew what peoples' reactions would be to the news. Perhaps it's all the the other emotions that go along with having a baby that is making it so hard for me to share the news, or maybe I'm trying to prolong the inevitable - the unsolicited advice I'll receive from some people. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about this, too, but when I was engaged to be married, I could plan. Everything. To the minute. There was an itinerary, a guest list, a playlist (including dos and don'ts), tuxes, bridesmaids dresses... And, let's be honest here, I knew people would listen to me because I was the bride, damn it! Of course I was nervous about everything going "right" on our wedding day, but in the end, I knew that even if something went wrong, all that really mattered was that Mike was there and our families and friends were there to share the day with us.

When it comes to having a child, you can't plan. Well, you can, but there are so many variables that can change those plans, both good and bad. Someone can catch the flu and puke on you in the middle of the night, so you're up until 3am doing laundry, calming crying, and you still have to get up and go to work in the morning. Or someone can make the all star team, and instead of going to your high school class reunion next weekend (yikes!) you'll spend the weekend on the sidelines cheering them on and saying, "That's my kid!"

That's such a trite example, but do you see where I'm going with this? I guess what it comes down to is a fear of the unknown. I have about 29 weeks to prepare for the birth of our baby, and - no matter how many books I read - I will never truly be prepared for the experience. And then, when we bring our little bundle of joy home, there will be so much for us to learn, and so much for us to teach. And there will come a day... well, I'm not sure I'm ready to think that far into the future quite yet - because, even I know, there is no amount of planning that can prepare you for the teen years!

I guess when I think about it, all I can do is plan [as much as possible], prepare, take some deep breaths, remember to relax and have fun, and hope that everything will turn out just fine... the same thing I did on my wedding day.

1 comment:

Poodle said...

I'm a partial planner -- not planning everything in my life, but I definitely like to know what to expect.

and am SOO HAPPY you have new blogs for me to read -- YAY!

It didn't hit me as hard, but there's definitely a sense of panic when you're pregnant. You can't go back now! I mean, it's so surreal. Like even with all the finality of wedding planning there's still the off-chance that it wouldn't happen or would need to be changed or whatever ... the baby? Coming. No matter what. AND! AND! You don't know when.

To me it was freeing. I no longer had control over my body or my schedule. I had to sleep. I had to eat baked potatoes and (yes) processed cheese. I had to listen to my body and I couldn't do anything about it. And I had a great excuse to get out of EVERYTHING! ("Sorry, nauseated" or "Sorry, totally forgot about that" or "Sorry, was sleeping")

It was nice to let go .. just a little bit.

What you can do though? Shop for baby stuff online. VERY therapeutic.