I guess we are there.
Over the last four or five years, it wouldn't be a stretch to say my life has changed dramatically. I started dating the man that would eventually be my husband, got "let go" from the first real job I ever had (I was about to quit anyway - I know everyone that gets fired says that, but in this case, I swear to baby Jesus it's true), I landed my dream job cooking at The Black Cat Bistro (and didn't care one bit that I was working nights, weekends and, if it hadn't been for Mike, wouldn't have been able to pay my bills), left the Cat to open a business with my dad (good and bad - man I miss that crazy kitchen), got married, got pregnant (we're still wondering how that happened), had a baby... I'm not really sure I have a point to all this, but I guess I just wish it would all slow down. Just a little. For like a week even. So we can enjoy it all.
Since becoming a mom, people constantly ask, "When are you having another one?" Sometimes it's tongue-in-cheek, but most of the time it seems like people are serious. For the record, we're not planning on having another. When I tell people that, it's like I just dumped one of Joey's diapers out on their dinner plate. The usual response is, "Oh! You'll change your mind, just wait!" And sometimes - fleeting moments, mind you - I think they're right. I think I'll change my mind. And then I lose another night of sleep, or miss out on something because Joey can't miss his naps, or I have to tell a customer that I won't be able to do what I promised them until tomorrow... Sounds uber selfish, right? Don't get me wrong - I love being Joey's mom. And I usually want to (and sometimes do) answer the, "When are you having another one?" question with, "Can't I just enjoy the one I have?" I'm not one to sugarcoat what being a mom means. Are there innumerable good things to go along with the lost sleep, missed events, huge life changes? Absolutely. I wouldn't give them up for the world. But I'm also not going to walk around telling every married woman they should start production before their baby factory shuts down for good.
I struggle daily with striking a balance between being a wife, being a mom and a friend. And any woman who says she doesn't is lying to herself, completely delusional, or deserves the Nobel Prize and needs to write several books (and put them on tape, or iTunes, or better yet, flashcards) and give them away for free when you apply for a marriage license and/or leave the hospital with a baby. I dunno, I guess I'm just waiting for the day when people around me just get tired of waiting for me to find that balance. And some days, I worry I won't find it until Joey leaves for college.
Right now, I should be cleaning my house, or writing thank you notes for Joey's birthday gifts, or working on a project to get ahead for tomorrow. But I think I'm just going to enjoy the silence of the house, take a hot shower and maybe have a glass of wine. Balance.