Two Months

Dear Joseph,

Yesterday, you turned two months old. I honestly can't believe you are two months old already. It seems like it has gone by so quickly, but it also seems like you've been here - part of our lives - for much longer than that. We took you to the doctor for your two-month checkup, and Dr. M said you are perfect (he's said it before, and since I am your mom, I like to repeat it over and over). You are 23.5" long and 13lbs, 1oz. Quite a big boy! We asked the doctor about your gas problems, since it seems that there's nothing I can eat that doesn't give you painful gas. (Your toots aren't always as funny as they used to be because they are usually accompanied by a high-pitched scream and loud grunts.) He pretty much said we should get over it. There's not much we can do about it, and trying to change everything we do would take all the fun out of this whole experience. Well, he put it much better than that, but that was the basic gist of it. He made me feel a lot better about continuing to breast feed you even if it can be difficult at times.


You also received your first round of vaccinations yesterday, and you did amazingly well. You didn't even feel the first needle, and even after the fifth shot (yes, you got 5 shots in one day!) you cried for just a few seconds and quieted right down. You slept for most of the day afterward, and even slept for just over 5 hours in one stretch last night.


You have developed quite a personality over this last month. You still like to ride in the car (you still fall asleep most of the time) but you have decided that you do not like being strapped into your car seat - or strapped to anything for that matter, even your beloved bouncy seat. You smile so much now, and you gurgle and coo when you see your dad or I. Your grandpa gets a kick out of making you smile big when you come to work with me. Even when you wake me up a few times during the night, or refuse to go back to sleep at 2:30 in the morning, seeing your smile when I come to get you out of your crib - when it actually is time to get up - kind of makes me forget about the sleep I've been loosing. Kind of.


You still enjoy watching the ceiling fan, and you get upset sometimes if it is not on. You have also discovered the TV - this is both good and bad. Right now, you are watching Dave Matthews Live from Piedmont Park, and although I should turn the TV off, I will let it slide this time. (Mom loves Dave Matthews, by the way, so if you ever need a gift idea... What? I'm just sayin'!) You have begun to take more notice of your own hands, and you bat at things. I can tell you are just a little bit away from reaching out and grabbing the things you see around you. You have a bunch of soft, sweet little blankets, but your favorite comfort items are a burp cloth - any burp cloth - and your froggy and puppy WubbaNub pacifiers. Meghan introduced us to these, and they are awesome because you can hold onto your pacifier and sometimes even put it back in your own mouth if it falls out.


Your new favorite place to hang out is your Boppy pillow that Judy from across the street bought for you. She and her husband, Larry, just love you! They come running across the street whenever we walk out the door or arrive home with you. Speaking of hanging out, one of your biggest changes is that you like to hang out "alone" and you entertain yourself. This is a big help to mom when she is trying to get ready to go to work or to the store, cook dinner, or even just brush her teeth!


A couple of weeks ago, dad and I went on our first date alone since you arrived. Your grandma Karla came over and sat with you. You were a little fussy after we left, but grandma said you did great. She did great, too. She loves to read to you and tell you stories. Hopefully she won't tell you too many stories that cause you to say someday, "But why?? Grandma said when you were a kid..." I knew you would be fine with grandma, afterall, I turned out OK, but I was still anxious to get home to you. I don't want to miss anything!

You are turning into an amazing little person, and everyone keeps telling me I should enjoy the next month or so, because after that you won't be a baby anymore. I beg to differ though, you will always be my baby no matter how old you get.

Love,
Mom

Mom and Dad's Big Night Out

This past Thursday, Mike and I went on a date. Sans baby. It was the first time in almost 7 weeks that we had been in a restaurant together - or alone together at all for that matter - and when we left the house, I realized it was the first time I had ridden in his car in as many weeks. My mom came over to watch Joey, and I must admit, it was a little weird to walk my mom through the house, showing her where diapers, blankets, PJs and bottles were, showing her how to use the stroller if she wanted to take him for a walk (this almost always calms him down if he's inconsolable) and explaining how to heat up the breast milk that was stored in the fridge.

When we left the house, Joey was asleep on the couch next to his grandma, and she looked like a deer in headlights (sorry mom, you did!), but I knew everything would be fine. I kissed Joey on the head and told him I loved him, and to be good to grandma while we were out. Of course, he woke up screaming when we couldn't have been more than a block away. But, grandma handled it like the pro that she is, and calmed him down.

It wasn't too hard to leave Joey, after all, I trust my mom and I knew he would be safe, and we were only going to be gone for a couple of hours. But, when we were heading up Hwy 1 to Cambria (we were going to have dinner at the Black Cat) I caught myself looking in the back seat to check on a baby in a car seat that wasn't there, and I laughed. We got to the restaurant, and were greeted by Deborah and Alexis. It was fun to be back. We were shown to our table, and Luis brought us bread and butter. I ordered a Kir Royal in honor of Dale (oh what can I say about Dale - to say he was a restaurant regular would be an understatement - he was there every night, and was one of the sweetest old men you could ever meet in your life, part of the Black Cat family), and Mike ordered his usual Palma Louca beer. We each ordered three courses and shared dessert. I tried hard not to rush through dinner, but there was a big part of me wanting to finish up and get home - something I didn't really expect. I wasn't worried about Joey, but I was anxious to see how it went, to see how my mom and Joey did on their own, and to see if she'd ever do it again!

Dinner was amazing. Mike and I had a great time being alone with each other again, and I don't think I could adequately describe how much that time meant to me. I must admit, I wondered before we left if we would spend the whole time talking about Joey, if we'd have anything else in common any more. Of course we talked about Joey, but I was happy to find that we are still "us," too.

We headed home after we finished dessert, and we had only been gone for about two and a half hours when we got home. My mom was shocked to see us home so soon! Mike's mom and grandma (Joey's other grandma and his great-grandma) were visiting, and Joey was laying on the couch again, in his PJs, fed and ready for bed. He looked a little confused - who are all these women, and where is my mom? - but he was just fine. I was so proud. It was a good night.

Thank you, mom!!

One Month

Dear Joseph,

Today, you turned one month old. It is incredible to me how much you have grown and changed, and how much you have changed our lives. Sometimes you change so much from day to day that just when I think I have you figured out, you surprise me with something new. Like yesterday, you were very fussy. I thought I had tried everything to comfort you, but then I thought I would try something you had decided you didn't like during your second week home - I swaddled you tight in a blanket, and you went right to sleep. That's how you slept last night, too, all wrapped up like a burrito, and you slept the best you have yet.

Some of your favorite things these days are daddy (your first "real" smile came when daddy got home from work one morning and bent over to say hello to you in your bouncy chair and your face just lit up), sitting in your bouncy chair (although you are slowly deciding you don't like being strapped in anymore), riding in the car or your stroller (you almost always fall right to sleep when we get moving), eating (you have put on 3 pounds and grown 2 inches since you were born), looking at the picture that hangs above the dining table, and watching the ceiling fan (we have decided you are totally going to be the kid that plays with the boxes on Christmas, and not the toys). You have begun to make sounds (other than crying), but you don't really "coo," mostly you squeak, grunt, and growl (oh, and fart, but that is involuntary, and totally hilarious).

The day you were born, you were surrounded by people who love you very much, and you have met even more since that day. Everyone that sees you, even strangers, tells us you are such a pretty baby (and then asks us if it's OK to call our little boy "pretty" - I think it's just fine). We named you Joseph Michael - Joseph after your late great grandfather, Milton Joseph Sr., and your great uncle, Milton Joseph Jr.; and Michael after your dad. Carry your names proudly, Joey, and know you were named after great men.

We only want the best for you. I have already found myself looking at girls in the grocery store wearing cut off jeans, bikini tops, and cowboy boots, and telling you never to bring home girls like that! Believe me though, that is the least of my worries. I hope daily that we will be successful in giving you the tools to make good decisions, to be compassionate towards others, to live your life honestly and with great integrity, and that you are always surrounded by people that love you and have your best interests in mind.

There are parts of me that want you to stay little forever, and other parts of me that can't wait to see you grow and develop (not to mention get a full night's sleep!). I never expected that I would learn so much from you. You are teaching me to be more patient, and to use my time wisely and not procrastinate - every moment is valuable. The changes you have brought to our lives have been overwhelming at times, and your dad and I are doing our best to not only give you the attention you need, but also attention to our relationship with each other. Understand that the relationship your dad and I have with each other is one of the most important things in your life, and we will do our best to keep it strong and set a good example for you.

We love you, little man.

Love,
Mom

Bringing Home Baby

Two weeks ago, I was laying in the hospital blissfully unaware of what the coming weeks would bring. Although it was hospital food, I was being served 3 meals a day, and if I needed help with breastfeeding or wanted to take a shower, brush my teeth, or use the restroom, all I had to do was push the call button and a nurse would promptly be at my bedside to help me or take over baby care for a short while. The next day, we would be on our own - here's your baby, good luck!

On Tuesday afternoon, Mike and I changed Joey out of his hospital-provided getup, strapped him in his car seat, and packed up my bag. I had been so ready to leave the hospital so we could go back home and begin our new life, but when I looked down and saw Joey strapped in his little seat, I started to cry. I was scared to death. What was I going to do with this helpless little person when we got home? What if he had trouble eating? How should I dress him for bed? My head was spinning. Mike took me in his arms and comforted me, "Oh babe, what's wrong? Don't cry. This is what you wanted, remember?" I pulled myself together, and we headed out to the nurse's station to have the car seat checked. The nursing assistant walked us down to the car to make sure Joey was properly secured in the back seat, and we were ready given the OK to head home. I sat in the back seat with the baby as we made our way back to Morro Bay. He slept the whole ride home.


When we pulled in the driveway, Mike's mom and grandparents were here to greet us. To say I was overwhelmed would probably be the understatement of the year. We had dinner with Mike's family, and then tried to settle in. That was the night Joey showed us his true lung capacity. Mike was wondering if the hospital would possibly take him back, and I was totally lost - I had no idea how to comfort this screaming infant. He was crying, I was crying, it was a mess. After trying just about everything, and even though I said I wouldn't do it, we decided to try giving him a bottle of formula. It worked. He finished a 2oz bottle in what seemed like 3 gulps, and fell asleep. Plans change, lesson learned. The next night wasn't much better, but my milk had finally started to come in, and Joey was beginning to eat better.

On Thursday morning, we had an appointment with a lactation consultant, and in true Joey fashion, he put on a show and ate amazingly well. (On a side note, the lactation consultant noticed what looked like a scab on Joey's head. Instead of saying, "Yes, it's a scab," I told her that it was indeed not a scab, but poop that had dried on his head from a particularly messy blow-out that required an outfit change the night before. Apparently I had missed a spot when I cleaned him up. Mike said he would have lied, and I have been nominated for Mother of the Year.) That afternoon, we took him to his first pediatrician's appointment, and were amazed to learn that he was already weighing in at one ounce over his birth weight (and then the nurse left the room, and he pooped... twice). I was relieved to know that he was getting enough to eat, and the doctor said everything else looked perfect, too.

As the days pass, Joey is getting used to his new world. Although he hasn't quite got it down that we are awake during the day, and we sleep at night, he is getting better. He is changing every day, and I already find myself looking at the pictures from the day he was born amazed at how quickly these changes are taking place. He has started to make new noises - squeaks and grunts mostly - and although people say babies this young don't really smile ("It's just gas") I am convinced that he does. I am changing, too - learning what his sounds and cries mean, knowing when he needs to be held, and when he is just having a dream and can be allowed to continue sleeping. I watch his face as he sleeps, wondering what could possibly be troubling his mind and making him furrow his brow, or what is delighting him so much when he smiles and his face relaxes. I can't believe that something so small can produce so much poop, and I can't help but laugh when he farts (and he farts a lot).

I am starting to get back to the "real world," although sometimes I'm not quite sure what day of the week it is. I took Joey to visit his grandma and grandpa (and Ruby dog) yesterday, and with Mike back at work, it took me three hours to get out of the house. I now understand fully why moms often leave the house in their PJs, sometimes haven't found time to shower or brush their teeth for a few days at a time. So far, people have been right about one thing though - it is getting better every day.

Welcome to the World, Little Man

Well, as you can probably assume by the title of this post, I did not make it to prenatal visit #14. Baby Joseph made his way into the world one week ago, and what a week it has been. On Saturday the 28th, Mike and I headed to Costco to stock up on a few things, and I started having contractions. Real ones. They were pretty far apart, but they were more painful than any that I had experienced (although I had no idea how bad they would get as the night wore on). We made our way home, and I knew that Joey would probably be arriving soon, if not within the next 24 hours. When we got home, we made sure our bags were in order and settled down for what would prove to be a long night (and subsequent day). My contractions became regular enough to start timing at about 10:00 that night, and just after midnight we decided to call Connie, our doula, to let her know that things were starting to move along rapidly. By quarter after 1, we called her again to let her know that we would be leaving for the hospital. I will expand more on this later on, but long story short, by the time we got to the hospital, my contractions had spaced back out to about 10 minutes apart, and I was still only 1cm dilated. I had a lot of work yet to do. I was informed that I could go home if I wanted to. After a little back and forth, we all decided I would be more comfortable at home and headed back to Morro Bay.

We got back home at about 3am, and Mike and Connie were by my side coaching me through some tough back labor, walking with me around the house, helping me move and get comfortable through it all. By about 9:30, I decided I was ready to go back to the hospital. When we arrived, there was no one at the front desk. Mike ran inside and swiped a wheelchair. He was getting me in there and up to the L&D ward no matter what! Connie came shortly after and wheeled me in and took me upstairs. We hadn't even checked in, but Connie was awesome, she told the nurse on the floor that I had already been there earlier in the moring, and I was ready to go! The nurse did not seem too happy to have to handle the admissions paperwork, but there wasn't much she could do at that point. They got me in bed, hooked up to the fetal monitor, and it was time to check and see how much progress I had made. I tried not to get my heart fixed on a high number, and I expected the nurse (by the way, we ended up with a different L&D nurse, not the one who seemed angry about the paperwork, and she was AWESOME!!) to tell me I was 3cms. I was 8. It was 10am, and Joey arrived 4 hours later. I had been in labor for roughly 23 hours, and pushed for the last 2 of those.


Mike was the most amazing coach. He never left my side and constantly reminded me to breathe. If I didn't breathe, I wouldn't get anywhere. Connie helped me throught the worst of my pain, modifying my breathing technique to keep me from pushing before it was time. Together, they made an incredible team. Even when I second guessed myself and thought I needed something to take the edge off, they were able to talk me through my pain, and talk me out of it. I had made it so far already, and my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. Each contraction was doing "good work" as Connie repeated to me again and again. And she was right. I did it. It hurt more than I expected, and I don't think I'll ever really forget that pain, but after it was over, it was over, and the person we had waited so long to meet had finally arrived. He was beautiful. And after a little bit of a scare, hearing him cry was the sweetest sound.


Our lives have been forever changed, and there is so much more to share about Joey's arrival... more to come!

Prenatal Visit 13

Wow, nothing like the impending birth of a child to keep me on top of my blogging duties! Yesterday was what *might* be the last of my prenatal visits (although there is one more scheduled for next Tuesday). My doc checked me again, and I haven't made too much progress since last week. I'm still a solid 1cm dilated, working on 2. At the same time, she went ahead and stripped my membranes, a rather uncomfortable way to possibly jump start labor (and, besides some strong cramping last night, no such luck so far).

If I haven't delivered by next week, my doc would like to induce labor on April 2nd (much to my dismay, as it is my hope to avoid induction). I guess the silver lining though is that one way or another, we'll finally get to meet our little man by the end of next week.

Anyway, I have officially reached my due date, and no, the baby is not here yet!

To the Men Who Read this Blog

When your wife is 39.5 weeks pregnant, and she reminds you that as of this month you have been together for 4 years, do not respond by saying, "And I've been dying ever since!"

Even if you are kidding (and hopefully you are), she will not be amused, and your statement will likely be met with tears. You have been warned.